My Acronym

OCD.

You are three simple letters

And yet

You have brought a world of emotions to me.

 

O equals overpowered

You broke into my world at age 6

The uninvited party guest with no gift

Halloween year-round with only tricks

 

O equals overloaded

My young mind had so much to carry

From sins, to AIDS, to death, it’s all too much

My young mind was constantly scary

 

O equals overstimulated

A faulty fire alarm rings all day throughout

Yet I am frozen and unable to flee

Silently, I clutch onto my shameful doubt

 

O equals Outcast

Feeling different without ever knowing its birth

Misunderstood Krista viewed as dramatic

Casting confusion on all my self-worth

 

O equals Obedient

I seemingly followed each of the commands

Check this. Avoid that. Touch this. Fix that.

Whatever the request was always in demand

 

C brought Confusion

I trusted each one of your outlandish concepts

Although I was skeptic, I still felt in my bones

I kept this all hidden and in my room I wept

 

C brought Craziness

You made me feel alone in my soul

I asked, “Does anyone else have these thoughts?”

You stared while you made me dig my hole

 

C brought Cruelty

Fearful that a death would be my fault

Telling me lies and disrupting my sleep

Tossing my brain onto the asphalt

 

C brought Commotion

So loud that I was unable to hear my dad

So quick that I was unable to show my mom

So clever and you caused me to feel bad

 

C brought Crisis

One that was only visible inside my mind

No fire. No injury. No call to 911.

I wanted this visibility to go blind.

 

D birthed Disappointment.

Even with success, my imposter reigns

You told me that I will always be judged

You tied my down with invisible chains

 

D birthed Despair

For years I believed this is how it will always be

Unnecessary silence ruled

For years I didn’t see how you gaslit me

 

D birthed Defeat

Improperly diagnosed for so many years

No therapy or medicine ever did the trick

“I guess this is my brain, I fear.”

 

D birthed Devalue

Wearing fake confidence all day and then night

I wanted so much to get better

You made it really difficult to fight

 

D birthed Distance

My family was clueless; I was ashamed

I kept you a secret from every person I love

I carried this burden and I carried the blame

 

OCD.

You are three simple letters

And yet

I am here now; changing what those letters now mean to me.

 

O becomes Opportunity

You tried to take so many of these away before

Now I fight you and I learn and I grow

The world is my oyster; I want to explore

 

C brings Community

Friends and support are all near and far

I never have to explain myself when you are loud

No one now looks at me like I am bizarre

 

D establishes Discipline

I have discovered that learning is my passion

Never again will I be stagnant

Plus I will always bring the fashion

 

OCD.

You are three simple letters

And yet

You will never again have a tight hold over me.