Talking to Kids about Distressing Times

Whether or not the youth in your life have OCD or a related disorder, this may still be a stressful time for them. If they do live with OCD or a related disorder, you may notice their symptoms getting worse or more intense.  

Kids may not have the words to talk about what they are feeling or going through, so it is especially important for parents to check in with their kids and keep an eye on how they may be reacting.

Below are tips for caregivers of youth in general:

  • Don’t be afraid to talk about this situation with your child. A great way to start is to ask them what they know and/or might have heard already, and let that guide your discussion. Answer whatever questions they may have to the best of your ability, and with developmentally appropriate language.
  • Validate whatever feelings or concerns your child may have, and provide realistic assurance (for example, “Doctors say that the best way to stay healthy is to wash our hands, so we are!” or “Firefighters are working hard to stop the fires from spreading and keep us as safe as they can.”).
  • No matter their age, maintaining routines and consistency is important for all youth.  If routines are disrupted by distressing times (e.g., home evacuations, school closures etc.), work to build other routines and predictability to help them adjust to this new, temporary normal.
  • Model good coping strategies, and consider doing some activities together as a family — read a book together, have a dance party, make a group call to a beloved relative or family friend.
  • Do your best to manage your child’s news/information consumption. Distressing situations get a lot of coverage in the news and on social media, not all of which is factual or helpful. Continue to engage your child about what they have seen and heard, help them to understand what they are reading, and work to clarify any misconceptions they may have. Furthermore, limit overall exposure to information on various media outlets. 
  • MOST IMPORTANTLY: Take care of yourself, and whatever you might be feeling or going through. You are the best support to your children when you are feeling good yourself!

Here are some tips specifically for caregivers of youth with OCD:

  • Be aware that times of high stress might mean an increase in or changing of their OCD symptoms.  
    • If your child has been in treatment, it may appear that they are experiencing  a setback or relapse. Know that this is normal, and that they can get back on track with support.
  • If applicable, talk to your child about how the guidelines from trusted sources might work with their OCD treatment plan.
    • Consult with your child’s treatment provider about ways to include current guidelines into their treatment plan, if they have one.
  • If you notice your child starting to obsess/seek OCD reassurance about the uncertain future (e.g. “Will it be like this forever?” “What if things never get back to normal?”), try some activities to keep them in the present moment – play a game, do a baking project, sing a song, etc.
  • Be mindful that not all situation-related questions are OCD reassurance — kids will have questions, and parents should be prepared to answer them. However, if your child asks the same question repeatedly, asks in a pressured way, or needs you to answer in “the right way,” then it is likely OCD reassurance and will make anxiety worse. If guidelines for responding to OCD reassurance are not already part of your child’s treatment plan, check in with their therapist about how to proceed.
  • Limit exposure to media discussing the situation. It is important for you as the caregiver to be the primary gatekeeper of information. 
  • Try to keep your outward mood as neutral (or positive) as possible, as your children may read into your outward signs of fear or anxiety and let it fuel their own fear or anxiety.

Additional Resources: