– by Jordan Karr, PhD
We all need reassurance once in a while. Receiving reassurance from a friend, loved one, or expert can reduce short-term distress, foster a sense of connection, and help us move forward in a productive way. On the other hand, excessive reassurance seeking can lead to a painful cycle of stress and doubt. For individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), reassurance is fleeting and is quickly followed by a resurgence of perceived threat and a compelling drive to seek additional reassurance.
As an OCD and anxiety specialist, I am no stranger to reassurance traps. I see them in the patient who repeatedly consults doctors but never fully trusts their answers; the partner who keeps asking, “Do you still love me?” while scrutinizing every response; and the teenager who needs her homework checked repeatedly but does not learn to tolerate uncertainty. While the content of excessive reassurance seeking may vary, its function remains the same, relieving anxiety momentarily while allowing obsessions to rebound more strongly in the long run. In each example, we see an individual desperately trying to protect something they hold dear while being misled by one of OCD’s most convincing lines: “What if this time the reassurance sticks?”
Psychologists have long argued that excessive reassurance seeking helps maintain OCD, anxiety, and depression (Abramowitz et al., 2002; Burns et al., 2006). What is new is the landscape. Today, reassurance is available instantly and endlessly through search engines, medical websites, social media, and artificial intelligence tools. Emerging research suggests that online reassurance seeking may be as prevalent as interpersonal reassurance seeking (Parsons & Alden, 2022). These digital reassurance traps present in a variety of forms, including:
- Excessive symptom-checking on WebMD
- Checking a loved one’s location on Find My Friends to make sure they are still alive or where they promised they would be
- Asking Google Gemini whether an intrusive thought makes you a monster, a pedophile, or a bad Christian, Muslim, or Jew
- Analyzing the contents of a partner’s Instagram to see whether their feelings have changed
- Endlessly searching Reddit for answers to existential questions
- Obsessively checking likes and read receipts to monitor the durability of a relationship
- Finding creative ways to ask ChatGPT whether you might be responsible for spreading a virus or causing someone harm
- Compulsively checking the news to confirm whether a feared event has taken place
Why do some individuals seek reassurance primarily from others in face-to-face contexts while others turn to the internet? Findings from one study suggest that individuals may be more likely to seek interpersonal reassurance when they desire emotional support, whereas online reassurance seeking is more likely when individuals feel ashamed or fear judgment from others (Parsons et al., 2025). In the same study, shame was reported more frequently among individuals with OCD. The perceived anonymity of the internet creates a compelling environment for seeking reassurance about our most distressing fears and the fears we feel ashamed to have.
Wait, hold on… shouldn’t having access to all the information on the internet be empowering? After all, there’s that famous saying, “Knowledge is Power.” Well I’m not sure what Francis Bacon would say if he could scroll on TikTok, but in the age of the internet, more information does not always mean more power or knowledge. In fact, information overload seems to trigger excessive reassurance seeking online (Yang & Luo, 2024). Once digital algorithms detect health-related concerns, users may be exposed to increasingly frequent and targeted content, further amplifying health anxiety and driving additional reassurance seeking online (Zhang et al., 2024).
Despite these challenges, evidence-based treatments offer hope. Exposure and response prevention (ERP), the gold-standard treatment for OCD, helps individuals tolerate uncertainty and break free from compulsive behaviors. ERP therapists are prepared to respond to clients who compulsively seek reassurance while taking care to avoid reinforcing a client’s anxiety and setting boundaries when appropriate. On the other hand, AI chatbots are available 24/7 and will continue to reassure users when it would be clear to a skilled therapist that more reassurance is harmful. Some helpful activities I have encouraged clients to try include:
- Going for a walk and leaving your phone behind
- When you have the urge to seek reassurance, use a timer to delay. Start with 5 minutes and gradually increase the time as you go.
- Imaginal exposure: Writing out OCD’s worst case scenario while refraining from seeking reassurance.
- Embracing the uncertainty: When you have the urge to seek reassurance, lean into the uncertainty by responding “maybe that will happen, maybe not.”
- Watch a movie that triggers obsessions but leave your phone in the other room
- Try a fast from social media. Start with a short fast and increase the length of each fast as you gain confidence.
- Agreeing with the obsessions: Whatever your OCD throws at you, respond by saying “Sure, that is true!”
Clinicians working with youth should also attend to parental accommodations that inadvertently facilitate online reassurance seeking. Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) is an evidence-based, parent-focused intervention that emphasizes increasing supportive statements while reducing unhelpful accommodations. Setting reasonable limits on smartphone use while responding with empathy and confidence can help youth build resilience and independence (i.e. “I know it’s tough to be away from your phone and I know you got this!”).
Finally, because shame plays a central role in digital reassurance traps, incorporating self-compassion practices may be beneficial. Compassion-focused exercises help individuals respond to their struggles with kindness rather than self-criticism, complementing ERP by fostering emotional resilience. I sometimes ask clients to imagine that a close friend or loved one is feeling ashamed because they are experiencing obsessions and are stuck in an OCD loop. Then, I invite them to write down how they would support this friend while paying special attention to how compassion feels in their body. By practicing compassion for others, we strengthen the same muscles in our brains that help us turn compassion inward.
If you are getting stuck in digital reassurance traps, you are not alone! Many of these technologies are brand new and we are learning how to integrate them into our lives in a healthy way. If you need help managing compulsive online habits, finding a therapist trained in ERP could be a useful step!
References
Abramowitz, J. S., Schwartz, S. A., & Whiteside, S. P. (2002). A contemporary conceptual model of hypochondriasis. Mayo Clinic Proceedings, 77(12), 1323–1330. https://doi.org/10.4065/77.12.1323
Burns, A. B., Brown, J. S., Plant, E. A., Sachs-Ericsson, N., & Joiner, T. E., Jr. (2006). On the specific depressotypic nature of excessive reassurance-seeking. Personality and Individual Differences, 40(1), 135–145. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2005.05.019
Parsons, C. A., & Alden, L. E. (2022). Online reassurance-seeking and relationships with obsessive-compulsive symptoms, shame, and fear of self. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 33, 100714. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2022.100714
Parsons, C. A., Kim, H. J., Singh, S., Lkhagva, T., Wang, J., & Alden, L. E. (2025). Covert or connected: Motivations for online and interpersonal reassurance-seeking in OCD. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 115, 103057. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2025.103057
Yang, X., & Luo, X. (2024). Unpacking cyberchondria: The roles of online health information seeking, health information overload, and health misperceptions. Telematics and Informatics, 97, 102225.
Zhang, X., Zheng, H., Zeng, Y., Zou, J., & Zhao, L. (2024). Exploring how health-related advertising interference contributes to the development of cyberchondria: A stressor–strain–outcome approach. BMC Public Health, 24, 534.
Jordan Karr, PhD, is the owner of River Falls Therapy in Portland, OR. He is a licensed psychologist in Oregon and Virginia, and specializes in evidence-based therapies for OCD and anxiety disorders. Dr. Karr has experience working in outpatient, community-based, and school-based settings.
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